OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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