I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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