Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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