You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
