He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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