she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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