I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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