I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
