How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
