Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
