He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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