I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How external is "for external use only"?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
