you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
