The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's just like the Real World with babies
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize