Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize