At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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