So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
