I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
