I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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