I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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