Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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