i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
