it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
