That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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