I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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