If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
