yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
