final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
