if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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