Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
