highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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