I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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