he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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