Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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