I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
