oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
