Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
