You just made me feel so damn special
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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