i just wanna soil my oats bro
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize