i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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