I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize