her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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