When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
