Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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