it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
