Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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