My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
