He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
