just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i love accidental penises.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
