haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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