Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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