Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
