life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have demons in me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can I color on your dick again?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
