nut hugger
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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