wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pants are for mortals
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
