I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
