I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
