Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
