Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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