The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
