Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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