Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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