dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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