i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
