I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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