I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
