last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your penis caused this!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
