She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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