I wanna bring you to show and tell
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
