Im at strip club and am horny
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
