I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
