If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
