____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
