have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im part way to drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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