I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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