Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
