I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
