She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
