I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
