i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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