I think I am morally bankrupt
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
